Breaking Away From Coercive Control, Abusive & Toxic Relationship Patterns – 12 week Introductory programme

‘Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom. But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative.’

Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery

Why Investing in This Programme with Me?

My twelve week programme ‘Introduction to Breaking Away from Coercive Control, Abuse and Toxic Relationships course’ is an intensive twelve week 1:1 programme which will help you on your first step into recovering from abuse in your life.

I created this programme after noticing a pattern in clients consulting me, and in my own life, of repetitive unhealthy, sometimes harmful and abusive relationship dynamics in various spheres of life.

I started researching the topic scientifically in 2018 after I completed my MSc in Psychology. In 2019 after leaving the corporate world in the City Financial district of London and embarking in a career and training in the English National Health Service (NHS) I conducted a small scale study on ‘experiences of coercive control in the workplace’. I co-authored with Dr Lisa Aronson Fontes, an expert in coercion, domestic abuse and coercive control, an article on our initial separate findings on this topic, which we published in Psychology Today in August 2019. You can read the Article here.

The covid19 pandemic started as I was contemplating a PhD on the topic in Manchester which has a coercive control specialty or partnering with universities and other scholars to reconceptualise my study and collaborate with scholars on this topic with the view of publishing our findings. I was then sucessfully admited into my Doctorate in Counselling Psychology programme.

After having trained in, worked and researched in the fields of neurodevelopmental conditions, complex trauma and addictions, today I work in my private practice as a therapist, psychologist, workshop facilitator and educator.

‘Survivors are often good at both resolving and generating crisis. While this capacity to handle crisis can make you a good emergency room worker or ambulance driver, it can also be a way for you to keep yourself from feeling. If you are addicted to intensity and drama…you may be running from yourself.’
Ellen Bass, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

The fool-proof sign that you have just been at the other end of an abusive encounter or exchange is how you feel immediately after the interaction. Ask yourself do you feel happier or suddenly, empty, lower in mood, tired or angry? If the latter you might have just been at the other end of an abusive exchange.

Aims of The 12 week programme

About the programme

My intention is to guide and support you personally as you take the first and often most difficult step in coming to grips with abuse and unhelpful repetitive patterns of abuse. It might also be that you, or someone you care about, might be in the midst of, are thinking of leaving or have left, a painful, abusive, coercive or toxic relationship and you might wish to understand what they might be going through so you can support them in taking care of themselves, and their power back.

The programme provides:

• A 20min free consultation session with me to meet each other, determine your goals, readiness and if this course/we might be a fit,
• Six x 50min one to one coaching sessions during the programme (worth £200 each),
• Twelve weekly lectures by pdf,
• A roadmap to help you identify signs of abuse and coercive control in their various forms.
• Skills to help you spot the abuser, understand their mind-set and relational dynamics, self-care tips and other invaluable resources to help you during this journey,
• An understanding of how the cycle of abuse and violence operates and how to start breaking the cycle,
• Weekly videos, audios, practices and reflective exercises to start you on your journey of healing and reclaiming your power,
• Extra sessions (either personal therapy or coaching) during the course are reduced by up to 50% of their standard price (subject to booking terms and availability),
• After the twelve week programme you will automatically qualify to apply to take part in Intensive Online or in person Workshops or Retreats (by application only).
• You will have access to all this in the comfort and safety of your own home.

Additional Coaching and Email Options: the course is available with additional options if they are helpful to you including coaching calls and email support (not part of the original investment)

(Important notes: if you suspect that your life is at risk please contact the authorities immediately. If you are currently living with the perpetrator and experiencing severe abuse, it is not recommended that you take this course or attempt this journey alone with just one session with me weekly. Take care of yourself as you read what follows as it might be painful. Please take care of yourself and seek assistance if needed. We provide resources at the end of this article.)

SUMMARY OF THE 12 WEEK MODULES

(Please take care of yourself especially if you experienced severe abuse. You might need help from a therapist or counsellor. You might not be in a position to do this alone. Check in with yourself.)

Module 1 – Awareness – step 1
This module introduces the course, provides background into abuse and coercive control and introduces key concepts which will be explored further during the following 8 modules.
Module 2 – Willingness – step 2 (weeks 4,5, 6)
This is the beginning of taking your power back by taking 100% responsibility for your end, your 50%, of the 100% relationship system. It is a continuation of the ‘recognition phase’ but this time we’re going deeper by preparing to really face what has happened to us, and why we’re in an abusive relationship.
Module 2: Step 3 – Why you stay
here are various explanations which might potentially help explain why one stays in abusive patterns which we will explore in weeks 7 and 8.
Module 3: Self-responsibility (weeks 9 and 10)
In this step, we share evidence-based modalities which work over time. We provide advice on finding the right, trauma informed practitioner for you.
Module 4: Feeling to Healing
Includes Step 5 ‘Going deeper in our feelings’ and Step 6 leading to ‘living from a more connected place’.
Step 5: Reframing and Going Deeper Into Your Experience (Week 11)
In this step we continue the journey of gently reconnecting with our feelings, bodily sensations and experience welcoming all (or as much as is allowable by our organism) our feelings and learning from them. We also learn to set new boundaries because abuse is a human rights violation therefore a boundary violation.
Step 6: Living from a connected place and from the heart (Week 12)
In this step, we use all the tools we’ve learnt and start to practice challenging our beliefs and assumptions about ourself, the world, our worth and values. Integrating all we have learnt, we practice working with what arises in the moment, taking 100% responsibility for the ways in which we might be unwittingly perpetuating the situation. We also learn how we can start to celebrate ourselves.

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’
Eleanor Roosevelt

Your investment for the twelve week 1:1 programme depends on the support options you choose. The course is offered as part of two options:

1. The total investment for the twelve weeks is £1,990.
2. A 5% discount is offered when paid in full and an option to pay in four weekly instalments is available with a 50% deposit.
3. For both options, admission criteria include: openness and willingness to learn, readiness to take responsibility for yourself, readiness to change and take actions, weekly attendance and homework. Upon completion of your application, which includes a 20min zoom interview, you will be able to start this programme with me. A non-refundable 50% deposit is required before commencement – this does not affect your customer rights. I reserve the right to terminate the programme at my discretion if any of the terms aforementioned are not upheld.
   

If you are interested in learning more about this programme, are interested in working with me in more depth, please connect with me using the website form here. I aim to reply within 48 hours.

I run regular online evenings and weekend workshops based on this course. You can read testimonials from past clients throughout my website.

Resources
UK: Call Women’s Aid UK at 0808 2000 247.
U.S &Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
UK: ManKind Initiative at 01823 334244.