Breaking Unconscious and Unhelpful Patterns – why do we repeat the past? Part 1

A phenomenon that has puzzled me since I was a young girl studying the second world war at schools – at both French and then former Yugoslavian school – and which continued to astonish me throughout my adult life, including in advance postgraduate studies in England and USA, is the phenomenon of ‘history repeating itself’.

In my own life, in my ancestry for example, the Slavs, including Christians, were considered during the second world by Hitler’s ‘Kulturkampf’ (culture war) and the Nazi hierarchy, like the Jewish peoples, as a ‘subhuman race’. Slavs experienced unspeakable brutality at the hands of the Wehrmacht (unified German army), sent to concentration camps. Yet they too became perpetrators a few decades later. Israeli-American historian, and ex Israeli Defence Forces (IDF) soldier, Omer Bartov, in his recent longer read in the Guardian (2024) piece expresses his astonishment whilst in the IDF comparing some elements of it, at times, with the Wehrmacht.

On a more personal level, perhaps you or someone in your life might also observe unhelpful choices being made and re-made, whether in intimate personal relationships or unfulfilled jobs, despite the individuals concerned showing some insights into their suffering?

I was able to start elucidating this complex phenomenon, at the collective and individual level, and help myself and others revert it thanks to my extensive studies and practice.

One of my favourite psychologists and teachers, Ernesto Spinelli, who inspired much of my psychology, psychotherapy and research journey, talked about ‘demystifying therapy’ in his book of the same name. Being originally from a humble working-class background but having had the opportunity to delve deeper into my and others’ psychology thanks to my extensive studies, often to immense costs to myself, (be it time, mental, emotional and financial) I wish to share my findings, and explicate what might be ‘opaque’ knowledge and concepts, with as wide a public as possible, previously.

Coinciding with a return from summer holidays to ‘back to school’ for many, in my latest blog article, I share observations, findings and theories on the human psychology which might underpin the phenomenon of history(ies) repeating themselves. I also offer suggestions on how we might start breaking unhelpful repetitive patterns, so that we can, depending on our own goals, either grow positively or transform. In this week’s blog, we start with an introduction on this topic with some important concepts.

The concept of ‘Repetition Compulsion’

‘Human beings may resort to different strategies in order to avoid profound suffering and to keep under control what personal aspects they perceive to be unacceptable. Such defensive strategies may be conscious, unconscious or partially unconscious’.
Ferrucio Osimo

Freud and ‘Unheimlich’ (The Uncanny)

The famous psycho-analyst Freud posited that we have an unconscious. In this part of ourselves lie things alien, unknown or ‘repressed’, hidden parts of ourselves which he called ‘unheimlich’. A literal English translation could be ‘unhomely’ or disavowed, unwelcome. He also posited that placing things we disavow in our unconscious, or repressing things, was a defence mechanism. His theory back then, more and more supported by neuroscientific evidence, especially by the work of Seigel and Levine, is that this part of our unconscious holds repressed primitive wishes, fantasies, memories, and dreams. We get to see what these are in our behaviour.

Repetition compulsion

Freud is said to be one the first theoreticians to identify and name the ‘repetition compulsion’ phenomenon. He defined it as ‘unplanned, unconscious and unintentional’ repetition of past experiences in the present today.

Self-abandonment, repression…amnesia?

“…this uncanny is in reality nothing new or alien, but something which is familiar and old-established in the mind, and which has become alienated from it only through the process of repression.”

What Freud further put forward was that we knew these parts of ourselves once upon a time. But we had to hide those parts in this ‘alien, uncanny and disavowed place’ for good reasons. Freud is saying that the uncanny parts of ourselves were once known to us and not secreted away in our unconscious, as they may be now. They become repressed because they are subsequently regarded as unacceptable, painful, disquieting. When this occurs, frightening feelings and thoughts are, beyond our awareness, hidden in the unconscious mind to try to stop them disturbing us in a conscious way. Those reasons could be that we disavow in this unconscious termed repetition compulsion ‘the desire to return to an earlier state of things.

Re-enactments

Trauma specialist Bessel van der Kolk made important discoveries in his work with trauma survivors and was one of the first to practitioners to delive deeper into the phenomenon of re-enactments. He stated that:

‘Many traumatized people expose themselves, seemingly compulsively, to situations reminiscent of the original trauma. These behavioural re- enactments are rarely consciously understood to be related to earlier life experiences.’

Dr Margaret Paul, co-creator of Innerbonding has referred to this as “attracting at our common level of woundedness” which means that we might somehow invite and replay the same situations and people but play in a different scenario until we heal the original wound and learn to be advocates for ourselves. In relationship with abuse perpetrators, we are replaying our wounds of not being able to be our own person, express our true self, that we were worthy of care instead of who other people demanded us to be.

Alice Miller

Psychologist and psychoanalyst Alice Miller, seemed to have also enquired about how the Nazi situation in Germany might have come about. She began to study child-rearing and what and how one might develop to commit atrocities. By observing children Alice noticed that children recreated certain events during play as if to understand or make sense of them.

One of Alice’s observations was that a possible key to not repeat is to remember to be a child and what it felt like. Often, we forget in order to survive and posited that when children play, they seemed to be recreating circumstances, perhaps to understand and learn by recreating them.

Unfortunately, it transpired recently that Alice Miller herself might have inflicted abuse to her children, evidencing how transgenerational trauma can repeat itself, according to her son Martin Miller (2013). In his deeply personal and compassionate biography Martin provides background on the long term consequences of the brutality of Nazi Germany which impacted his own life.

In sum, some of the initial theories posited here point to the possibility that some individuals might have repressed some early life difficulties, possibly of a traumatic nature, resulting in a fractured sense of self. This could have led them to create inner ‘false-selves’ (object relations theories), which continue to disempower them as ‘defences’ today.

In the following weeks, we’ll continue delving more into the possible causes of history repeating itself and how we might not repeat, break patterns and even thrive.

If you are interested in working with me, please connect with me here.

I have created a programme ‘Breaking Away From Coercive Control, Abusive & Toxic Relationship Patterns’. This is a 12 week one on one coaching programme designed to help you to specifically break away from abusive relationship patterns. You can find out more here.

References

Bartov, O, (2024). https://www.theguardian.com/world/article/2024/aug/13/israel-gaza-historian-omer-bartov

Freud, S. (1856-1939). Beyond the Pleasure Principle. New York :Liveright Pub. Corp., 1961.

Miller, M (2013).

Kreuz-Verlag, Freiburg, 2013. 176 Seiten, 17, 99 € (translation: “The True ‘Drama of the Gifted Child.’ The Tragedy of Alice Miller — How Repressed War Traumas Impact Families”_

Van der Kolk, B.A. (1998). Zur Psychologie und Psychobiologie von Kindheitstraumata [Psychology and psychobiology of childhood trauma]. Prax Kinderpsychol Kinderpsychiatr. 47(1):19-35. German. PMID: 9522593.