Rising and Rebuilding Ourselves from Our Ashes

!! Trigger warning. What follows discusses violent acts perpetrated and reported in the news!!

You might have heard of the horrific case of Gisele Pelicot/the Mazan rapes in France? The opening quote is by Gisele’s daughter, Caroline.

” How does one ever pick themselves up from ashes?”

Caroline Darian, daughter of Gisele and Bernard Pelicot

This newsletter is dedicated to all human beings whether one chooses fear or love, over blame or self-responsibility,  victimhood or power.

If you are not familiar with the case, currently in France, Gisele’s husband, is being tried for drugging his wife and organising men to come and rape her  (whist she remain unconscious) and filming all such encounters over decades.  So far 80 men are being tried. However many more could not be identified.

The husband, father and grand-father was caught on camera in a supermarket in 2020 filming women under their skirts and arrested by a suspicious supermarket security guard. There are no words to describe the horrors of this case and I won’t go into the detail in this newsletter.

The perpetrator was apprehended and is currently being tried thanks to the intervention of a security guard. Paris Match have today in France released the footage of his arrest in the supermarket by the security guard. You can hear the incredible courage, outrage, power yet tender loving care the guard displays towards the women whom the perpetrator was filming in the supermarket without their consent. “Madame, I am with you. You are reporting this aren’t you? I’m with you”

“You are going to Report Him, Madame? I am with You. I am coming with You” French security guard thanks to whom Pelicot was arrested and Gisele freed.

It brought both tears and shivers, horror and admiration for those of us who choose courage despite the odds. Human beings are walking paradoxes.

I wished to acknowledge  Caroline, Gisele, the security guard (his name remain unknown currently) and the beauty and strengths of the human spirit in the midst of suffering.

I have supported many clients who had undergone similar acts of violence repetitively over decades like Gisele. I have also supported perpetrators.

It is possible to heal, to change.

What my clients showed me is that the therapeutic relationship can offer a non-judgemental safe space where those who have not been able to process and make sense of their pain, can choose differently. Everyone can start over again.  

When there is immense pain we can take it ‘one second, one minute, one hour, one morning, one day’ at a time as we say in Twelve Steps.

There is a lot of negative press around males and men currently. As well as Gisele and her daughter Caroline, I wish to praise the male Security guard (who arrested the husband) and all the men in our lives who choose differently. Against French law, and following his instincts, the security guard took the alleged perpetrator’s phone to check images and found not only footages of women he was filming in the supermarket but also videos of his wife. He not only alerted the Police but insisted the women officially report the perpetrator to the Police all the way supporting them emotionally throughout.

I wish to thank all the men in my life who acted as mentors and supporters. They have been many and I have written about this previously in my blog.

If you ever choose to work with me you’ll know that my approach is one of balance, of shades, not Group Think, Hive Mind nor Black and White Thinking. I have been in therapy for twelve years and have been confronted and have and continue to face my own shadow.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5

Spiritually, when we embark on a conscious journey of healing we talk metaphorically of needing our ego wounded self to turn into ashes so that we can rebuild ourselves healthier.

Because many of us have inherited very damaging unconscious patterns of behaviour, introjected criticism, judgements and other unhelpful values belonging to others, unfortunately we will have inherited thinking and behaviour patterns which do not serve us. 

Attending personal therapy offers clients many different objectives. Objectives might range from being heard, listen to and supported to being  confronted (our unhelpful defences). Confronted as in once the relationship and alliance is strong and there is trust. It is a journey not unlike that of Dante and Vigil in the Divine Comedy.  

The personality and The Self are ‘constructs’. There is a I that sees the Self. We can be supported to transform and change the personality which was built with unstable foundations. That is called transformation.

There is a time and a place for this work. As the famous Tao goes ‘when the student is ready the teacher appears.’ 

We can rise again from our ashes. 

If you are interested in working with me, or curious to learn more and see if I might be able to support you, please reach out. I offer a 30min free consultation.

Due to my relocation in the North of England, I am offering 50% discounts on my personal therapy and coaching sessions to all new clients until 31 January 2025.

If you are unemployed, going through hardships, in receipt of benefits and a full-time student, please reach out also as I often have slots on lower fees. You can connect with me HERE.

References

Paris Match footage of Security Guard arresting Pelicot HERE.