STAYING

I was reflecting on my twelve year journey from starting my training with Dr Margaret Paul with InnerBonding© in 2012, to my Master in Psychology in 2013 to my Doctorate in Counselling Psychology in 2020 and now putting the final amendments to my Doctoral thesis.

My journey started with a deep, intimate and long acquaintance with suffering, a lot of it due to poison, in terms of violence in thoughts and deeds, and then false beliefs, mind-chatter and ego defences, which took a long time to alchemise. This however led to freedom and peace.

The common thread throughout has been a life of paradoxes: of excess and lack, connection/disconnection, humanising/dehumanising and finally RELATIONSHIP. Meeting  ‘OTHERS’ authentically, not as “objects” but as ‘humans” deserving of respect. Sometimes, and for most often, meeting the OTHER authentically as they are is impossible for most so frightful is their difference in terms of the discomfort their own points of view might generate. Yet this is the toil, this is the way.

Freud once said that one day we will look back at what once was difficult and we will think of it fondly. And although my pain was real, I do look back at all of it as the magica of living. 

Ultimately the poison was also the antidote. It was through experiencing deep disconnection and suffering that I was also able to know peace and joy, and learnt true relationship.

If today, as you read this, you might feel fear, pain or despair, I hope that you will find comfort that everything is temporary and has its opposite. Nothing stays as is and we powerfully create moment by moment even when everything seems bleak. I would say try to learn skills to ‘stay with’ bit by bit, each time trying courageously to stay a little more with ‘what is’..until you build enough capacity to meet difference and not run away. So that you can STAY. In relationship.

Warmly and with my deepest gratitude,

Irena and Your Alchemists