We Wear The Mask

In my latest blog I explore the concept of the ‘mask’ some of us might wear to get us through life.

“When I think about myself
I almost laugh myself to death.
My life has been one great big joke!
A dance that’s walked a song that’s spoke.
I laugh so hard HA! HA! I almos’ choke
When I think about myself.”
Adapted by Maya Angelou from Paul Lawrence Dunbar, 1896

In her powerful interpretation of Dunbar’s poem Maya Angelou touches her anguish, pain and sadness, lying at our core, when feelings have not been felt or cannot be shown. Dunbar’s heart wrenching poem is as valid today as it was in his time. Of course his experience of racism is one I cannot say that I had. However I do resonate with oppression, xenophobia and discrimination. Watch Maya’s poignant YouTube rendition below:

The way out is to feel; to learn to feel all our feelings and emotions, in any safe heavens which we can carve out for ourselves, wheather in the workplace, our home or in public spaces, to not ‘deny’ our experience and feelings.

Emotions

Emotions are fundamentally “adaptive”. They happen to help us (our organism) make sense of what is happening around us. Due to various life events (including social conditioning, childhood adversity, abuse, trauma, oppression, poverty, illness) some emotions become “maladaptive” and we hide our feelings wearing a mask.

This means that we have not learnt to process ( or we cannot “regulate” ) the emotions, which arose as a result of X, Y, or Z (the “incoming situational information”).

The process of healing or the journey towards our authentic self starts by learning to feel, welcome, name, identify, all our emotions and release them. This means coming out of denial and removing our mask.

Where do I start?

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” Marie Curie

We can learn to have full control over ourselves, our thoughts and our feelings. Although we can feel intense emotions arise, there is a moment, a few seconds, where we can stop before reacting, as Dr Viktor Frankl observed.

Some suggestions for your own practice can include learning to:

• Practice to pause a few seconds before reacting
• “Observe and not react” (Dr Ross Rosenberg)
• Learn to become aware of emotions
• Express Emotions safely
• Emotional Regulation
• Reflecting on Emotions in a reflective journal, as we walk or even as we stretch
• Transforming emotions: changing emotion with emotion
• Transformation of emotion: learn a corrective emotional experience

Removing the mask means learning to slowly accept the way we are. It doesn’t mean we indulge our negative self-talk. We practice pausing, noticing our feelings, naming them and letting the feelings through and out.

Our emotions are our internal “GPS” system helping us navigate the world. All our emotions, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant are information. It also means spending time with ourselves, by ourselves, developing our gifts and talents and what brings us joy, owning our power and not giving it away.

In my one-on-one coaching and in my emotions workshop we learn all of the above. Connect with me if you are interested in learning more.